Bathroom talkers

Today I'd like to talk to you about something important. Something that a lot of people feel very strongly about, and something that can be pretty divisive. That's right, bathroom talking.

I don't just mean the kind of chit chat where you end up at the sink with a co-worker and explain pleasantries. I'm talking about explaining your life philosophies to the guy in the stall next to you. Or talking about who you're going to vote for while you're using the urinal.

Some people have no qualms talking while they conduct their business, while others view the bathroom as a private place of solitude. Problems can arise when two people of opposing views are occupying the same bathroom. How do you explain that you don't want to talk while you're sitting on the toilet? Would that come off as rude? If you're a talker, is there a way to feel out how the other person feels about it before breaking into a full out conversation?

Where do you stand on the subject?

April Fool's!

Don't worry, The Dan Watch isn't going anywhere, we just love that song ...

Last night was the first game of Baseball season - an exciting time for all, I'm sure. Given that most people will find their time this week consumed with drinking in veritable smorgasbord baseball games, we'll be updating on a need-to-know basis.

A new beginning

After a lot of thinking and a bit of soul searching, I've decided to come clean about The Dan Watch. I think everyone out there (well, mostly Dan) deserves to know the truth about my identity. My reasons for creating The Dan Watch were twofold:

1) To poke some fun at Dan at the tremendously slow pace of his blogging

At this point, I think it's fairly safe to say that Dan's blog is dead. TBEHBWF! was quite the rollercoaster ride of emotions - the excitement when it first came out, the frustration of waiting for a new post, and the sadness upon realizing there would be no more new posts.

2) To see how much work/effort it would take to maintain a blog

I've been rather curious about starting my own blog for a while. What held me back was the fear that I'd end up like Dan - I had a few things I wanted to blog about, but wasn't sure whether I'd be able to find the time/inspiration to update the blog on a regular basis. I think my experience with The Dan Watch has given me the confidence to believe that I could write my own blog.



This, coupled with the unfortunate demise of TBEHBWF!, has convinced me to start my own blog. Today will be the last post on The Dan Watch, as I shift from posting in anonymity to posting about my own experiences and thoughts. Those who are curious will be able to follow along at my new blog, Blog This!

I hope everyone will join me at Blog This! and that everyone enjoyed The Dan Watch as much as I did.

Where in the World is Biscuit Sandiego?

While we continue to search for everyone's favorite wordsmith, we'd like to share with you a few of the leads we've been following since his last post on TBEHBWF. Should you have any information, please don't hesitate to post!

February 19: Biscuit is thought to have been seen exchanging numbers with several of Tiger Woods' former flames at his public apology, proclaiming multiple times that he needs to make plans with each of them (thanks to Mike Hunt, reporter for the North Florida Sun-Times).

February 28: Buster Cherry, coach of the Russian women's curling team, told Vancouver officials that several team members including head screamer Ivana Tinkle were accosted after their final Olympics game at the team hotel by "a gentleman in a colorful poncho with a Gandolf beard and sombrero claiming to be 'The Tit Fiddler'." The culprit vanished before hotel security could locate him.

March 10: Sarasota Police Officer Sgt. Dick E. Ride told local reporters that a man matching the description of Biscuit was escorted from a preseason Baltimore Orioles game in Sarasota after approaching Orioles catcher Matt Wieters asking him to sign a body part he called his "Matt Wieters."

March 25: M.T. Pockets, an American delegate at the U.S./Russia arms meeting this week, believes Biscuit was the individual responsible for briefly interrupting negotiations between nations after jumping up on the center table, doing a "wrestling-like gesture" towards the other delegates, and demanding "someone sign the treaty." Sources do not know whether he was referring to the treaty being discussed by the two nations or other diplomatic matters not yet publicly disclosed.

We will keep you posted on further developments.

Too good to be true?!

It's Friday, we're feeling lazy, and this pretty much says it all anyway:





(apologies for the small image, the regular size got cut off - clicking on it will show the full size)

Yes he can!

Today we have something exciting for everyone here at The Dan Watch! That's right, our first guest post! From a man who needs no introduction ...

"Sometimes in life you need a spark to get things done. The man known as Biscuit has always used me, his ‘Peanutty Buddy’, as the inspiration for all he does. Because of this, I am pleading on behalf of all fans of The Dan Watch for a new update to Dan’s blog. The fact that The Dan Watch has consistently outdone The Blog Everyone Has Been Waiting For! is a humiliation. This is even more humiliating than Tim’s claim of being an adult despite his clear love of warthogs and other 13 year old video game nerds. This is why I am here on The Dan Watch, to throw down the gauntlet to Biscuit to regain his manhood and take back his rightful throne as ‘King of all Blogs’. He can’t let this lame blog that Tim created usurp the splendor of TBEHBWF!. Based on the sheer volume of comments alone, clearly TBEHBWF! is far more interesting and captivating than anything that goes on at TDW (my blog post excluded). Dan’s complacency has lasted long enough. It is my hope that hearing a voice of reason finally come out of TDW will inspire Biscuit to get back up on that pogo stick. Because trust me, I know what this world wants, and I never question my own judgment. If I can manage a short shout out from the city that never sleeps (you don’t know how long it took my Mom to light proof my room here), Dan should be able to post something about anything. So Dan, the ball is in your court, answer go and wager for it."


We couldn't have said it better had we tried.

I know it was you ... and I'm going to kill you!

We've heard a lot of interesting suppositions about who, exactly, is in charge of The Dan Watch.


Biscuit himself, famed author of The Blog Everyone Has Been Waiting For! and, apparently, aspiring new detective, has decided that The Dan Watch is run by none other than the infamous Lil' Poopie. At this point in time, The Dan Watch can neither confirm nor deny these rumors.

We are reminded, though, of the Elmo Escapades. Dan's sleuthing at the time was nothing short of extraordinary, culminating in the classic one-liner, "I know it was you, and I'm going to kill you!" This enraged accusation was directed toward Mort of the Jungle, who Dan believed was the mastermind behind the abduction and subsequent corruption of his beloved Elmo. As time passed, however, it soon became apparent that Mort was innocent - he wasn't the mastermind behind this dastardly deed. In fact, he wasn't even part of the group that pulled off the mad caper! Many were left bewildered and confused, wondering where Biscuit had gone wrong in his investigation of the matter.

Is this another case of an accusation gone awry? Or has Biscuit finally nailed his man? Is Lil' Poopie actually the main contributor* for The Dan Watch? Or is it someone else entirely? Compelling questions indeed.

*We'd like to take this opportunity to once again remind everyone that The Dan Watch does accept guest posts if anyone would like to submit something.

Day 32 ... the 1 month mark broken!

In many ways today should be a sad day. This is the first time in TBEHBWF!'s existence that its readers have been forced to go more than a month without a new post. It appears that things are starting to become dire, that perhaps this really is the end of Biscuit's blog. How will we ever face a new day with the knowledge that there won't be any new updates on TBEHBWF!?

However, all is not lost! After a conversation with the famed author himself this past weekend, we have reason to believe that the hiatus is nearly over. In fact, rumor has it that Biscuit actually has several unpublished posts already written up and just waiting to be revealed to the masses! One can only begin to imagine what subjects are going to be discussed, but we here at The Dan Watch are incredibly excited for what should be a busy week.

Also, on a somewhat sour note, we heard several baseless accusations over the weekend from the uninformed that The Dan Watch was going under and would no longer be providing the important updates that everyone craves. This is not the case! We here at The Dan Watch are dedicated to our work - it is our passion and love for The Blog Everyone Has Been Waiting For! that keeps us going strong even during such painful times as these.

On that note, we'll wrap this up and look forward to tomorrow and the possibility of a new post!

Day 29 ...

Happy Friday to everyone. We'll keep this short and sweet today since I'm sure everyone is busy checking and re-checking their brackets.

Helpful hint of the day:

Talk about recent sports news! Rangers coach fails a drug test for cocaine?! Brian Roberts' balky back threatens to keep him out for the beginning of the year?! An NFL meeting to discuss the fairness of the overtime rules for the playoffs?! The horrid officiating that cost Robert Morris(15) their upset over Villanova(2)?! The lambasting that the Fighting Lil' Poopies are going to suffer at the hands of the Blue Hens tonight?!

We'll see you on Monday, enjoy the Madness this weekend.

Day 28 ... third time's the charm!

March Madness is upon us, yet many of us would rather see a new post on TBEHBWF! rather than see our brackets win our pools! Ok, that's a lie, I think we'd all rather win, but a new post would be a close second.

With that in mind, here is today's helpful hint:


Discussing March Madness (bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?!)! Was the seeding atrocious or fair? Did VT deserve to make it in, or did they make their own bed? How does he decide who to pick in his brackets?

Day 27 ... helpful hint part deux!

Today's helpful hint for TBEHBWF! is:

Discussing the Anquan Boldin trade. Did the Ravens get a good deal? Did they get fleeced? Will Boldin be able to fill the #1 WR role that the Ravens desperately needed? Will he be able to stay healthy? Will he be happy in Baltimore? Will he, Mason, and Stallworth be able to coexist? How will Mason handle the move from being our #1 WR to #2? Will all three of them, coupled with Flacco, provide the best passing attack the Ravens have ever had?

Day 26 ... Helpful hint!

We here at The Dan Watch have come to the conclusion that Biscuit must be out of ideas of what to blog! Therefore, we're going to post one idea every day that we think is a) easy to blog about b) interesting to Biscuit, and c) interesting to his reader's. Yesterday we briefly mentioned Dan's experience down in Florida for Spring Training so we'll consider that the first hint this week.



Today's helpful hint is: Somebody at TBEHBWF! recently had a birthday. Perhaps a look back at all the noteworthy events of the past year, or a reflection on how his life has changed in the past year. At the very least, perhaps what he did for his birthday celebration (it's a celebration, bitches!)?!

Day 25 ... the return!

That's right folks, today we celebrate the triumphant return of Biscuit from Florida! I'm sure that we'll be seeing a new post any day now as he regales his readers with tales from down South about all his wonderfully exciting experiences.

Day 20 ... short hiatus

Given that Biscuit is off in Wonderland (or watching Spring Training, however you'd like to call it), we here at The Dan Watch will be taking a break to get our own affairs in order until he has come back. With no chance of a post, our existance is rather pointless.

Day 19 ...

Sorry for the late post, the Ebola virus is running rampant around our offices here at The Dan Watch. As you may have guessed, there was nothing new on TBEHBWF today, and with Biscuit out of town, there may not be one any time soon.

Just FYI

We here at The Dan Watch want everyone to know that while we take TBEHBWF seriously, we take our weekends more seriously (is that even proper English?!). Therefore, we will not be updating over the weekend, but will resume on Monday.


Enjoy the weekend.

Day 16 ...

As we come to the end of another (work) week without a post from TBEHBWF, I think it's important to reflect on other things we may have been forced to wait for in the past ... this way, we can remember that though waiting may be tough sometimes, it just makes the experience that much sweeter.

Here are some things I remember having a hard time waiting for:

• Christmas morning - falling asleep the night before was almost impossible, but my parents always told me, "If you don't go to sleep, Santa won't come!"
• My birthday, when I was younger - I remember climbing back into bed one year because I thought since it was my birthday that meant I didn't have to go to school. Much to my chagrin, my Mother didn't buy it (though I still take off of work on my Birthday to this day).
• Opening day - no baseball for months on end, all the positive stories coming out of Spring Training ... in middle school, they'd put the game on a TV in the hallway and let us watch for a few minutes during class.
• Nick to show up at wing night - it's tough, because he usually has to work late, and there's always the chance he'll get stuck at work and not be able to make it at all!
• Lil' Poopie to stop referencing that class he took - I'm actually still waiting for this ...

What are some things that you've had a hard time waiting for in the past?

Day 15 ... possibilities abound

While there are no obvious signs that a post may be imminent, something very important happened yesterday - the Orioles played their first Spring Training game of the year. There are already rumors circulating that the positive outcome yesterday, coupled with the rising optimism about a successful year for the Orioles, will provide Biscuit with the much-needed inspiration for his next post. Considering he is an avid baseball fan and even just last year went down to visit the Orioles during Spring Training, how could he not feel a desire to share his thoughts and opinions with us about this upcoming year?


So here's to hoping that the Orioles starting off the year on a positive note is quickly followed by the next post on TBEHBWF!

Day 14 ... no end in sight

Normally we'd be watching in anticipation from Day 1 along with all of you fanatics out there, but due to circumstances beyond our control (namely that The Dan Watch was just created yesterday) we, unfortunately, have to pick up in the middle of a long dry spell. Don't worry, we here at The Dan Watch will be by your side every step of the way. We'll laugh with you, cry with you, curse the name of Biscuit with you every morning when we check TBEHBWF and see no update ... and yet we'll keep the faith with you, too.


The Dan Watch will be accepting guest posts in the future if anyone has a great idea for TBEFBWF, or if they'd just like to share their stories of exhiliration or depression (pertaining to TBEHBWF, of course).

Introduction

Created by popular demand, our purpose here at The Dan Watch is simple - to provide daily updates on the actions and whereabouts of the elusive author of The Blog Everyone Has Been Waiting For! (TBEHBWF). Known aliases include: Biscuit, Quincy, and Tit Fiddler.

At its inception, TBEHBWF was highly anticipated and many adoring fans have spent countless hours checking and re-checking for new posts. Unfortunately, it seems as Biscuit may be pulling one over on his faithful readers as he continues to string them along with the promise that the "[wait] is now over." The Dan Watch will attempt to alleviate these concerns by keeping everyone abreast of Biscuit's most recent posts and trying to ascertain what he might do next.